17

When we said forever, I meant forever.

When we said we were home, you were that home.

When we called it love, we chose that love.

It’s the 17th day since, but again, who’s counting?

The aftermath has left me lost, in despair,

Creating a chasm far wider than my heart could bear.

We started the year with such passion and grace.

Do you still remember how our skins felt as the sun rose that day?

How our foreheads touched and fingers intertwined.

How our lips whispered promises meant to transcend time.

“Let’s go on that adventure,” you once said.

Let’s make these memories happen, one by one, without regret.

As the months went by, we made a pact.

No more goodbyes, we’ve decided to act.

We had our moments, of joy, tears, and laughter.

We made our sacrifices — once, twice, more than three or four times over.

We planned our space, so promising and new.

Only to have it fall, reluctantly, without ado.

What was it like to decide to leave?

So quick, so suddenly, with nothing to redeem.

The pieces of you that you left around me,

Seared into my memory and everywhere we had been.

“Love of my life,” you once called me as we moved, holding on despite the distance.

The photos we took that immortalized our dreams,

As our hands naturally found each other’s, no matter how far and by any means.

Can you hear my cry now, heart-wrenched with sorrow?

This feeling of loss because you let go of our tomorrow.

The countless hours of tears and grief, trying to find answers to questions left unseen.

This pain in me is hollow and true.

This isn’t you, I tell myself,

As I miss everything to do with you.

This isn’t us, as I feel myself slipping.

The flashbacks permeating every fiber of my being.

Does the smile reach your eyes these days, as you go about this new phase?

I drive silently, the tears blurring my eyes.

How does it feel to be the one to break the ice?

How did it feel to break a heart that loves you so true? That held and embraced you through every imaginable crux?

How did it feel to have the sun set on us, when we swore this was it, that we will not survive another fuss?

How did it feel to choose another and douse me out cold? Left in the wake, as we start to unfold.

Destiny works when you let it happen.

We made space for it, and that’s how it was more than chance.

We chose each other over and over,

Facing a new reality with so much fervor.

But here we are, as you stood your ground.

A life for a life, a heart for another’s life.

The exchange has been made, there is nothing left to fight.

The cut was made like the easiest thing,

In every way, one by one, pulling on the tightening string.

The day you left, I lost a piece of me.

Like you had nothing to lose, letting it just be.

The day I felt you disconnect…the music died in me.

Is this you trying to erase completely our memory?

There are moments when I can’t breathe, nights when I can’t define how I feel.

Missing, wanting, longing,

Like an endless turning wheel.